Do we?

On one of our local television stations there is a program where unmarried farmers can look for a wife (Boer soek 'n Vrou [Boerinne ook]). The trailer for the program started off with the host saying that ten of the 120 farmers were picked and they will be introduced and then they had a picture of ten very innocent looking sheep moving their heads in unison from left to right...
The picture stayed with me and this morning found me asking myself the question - 'do they expect these farmers to be honest about themselves or just about what they want....'

That said I couldn't help to reflect on how little we really know about the person we are married to or living with, even after years and years. In fact the longer the less we know our other half. Come September 5th we will be celebrating 44 years of marriage, good and bad, but definitely not all bliss and if I have to take part in a 'Do you know your Partner' quiz, I would fail miserably!

Through our life the one thing that my second soul always got my attention with was his honesty, yet lately he lies so easily and when confronted with the lie, he becomes so sincere in his denial of ever saying it. Oh, I know this thing works both ways because he always said that I have no tact and called me so proudly straightforward and now he thinks that I should not voice my opinion if it can cause hurt. So, I can recall at least a million things that would have a different answer today (on both sides) than 44 years ago.

In South Africa the notion that men are dually responsible for household chores are only getting the nod in the past five years and only because so many of our children had to visit countries like the USA, be it to work there or emigration and now the mothers are (very minimally) introducing that idea of shared chores to their sons upbringing. So at least some of my grandsons will appreciate the fact that changing a nappy, picking up your socks and cooking dinner sometimes is OK.

But then again, we woman must suffer for our own mistakes. Although I always had the biggest salary (and pension) when we retired I fussed over the other and did exactly what my mother did, I carried, I washed, I ironed, I cooked, etc., and now that I am realizing that there are still so many books I want to read, there are still so many photographs I want to take, so many paintings in my head and time is running out on me, now I notice where he occupies my time with totally senseless chores, while he reads.

So, my question today is 'Do we really know each other?'

Saying Sorry

Why do old people find it so difficult to say 'sorry' if they need to and when they say it to mean it?

Who are the 'old people' ?- yes I know I am old too, but sometimes, just sometimes I want those that are, let's say, about ten years older to acknowledge the fact that their age do not give them cart Blanche to just say and do anything and then just expect the younger person to accept it and let the wrong just become a bygone.

So often they want to give some expensive gift when a apology that is what it is meant to be, would be enough. I am old, but I am not stupid, and in a house where there are only two people and something is broken, to own up to it and to say sorry and mean it can do so much to to set the path for a total lapse in memory with the injured persons mind!

When our children are small we make such a point of teaching them to always tell the truth and yet, when we get old that is the first thing that we forget. The stories become so distorted from the truth and the tales get bigger with each telling. I find it difficult because I was there when that happened... at least most of the time. Either they out and out deny that they had a hand in the mischief and that they have no, oh yes, absolutely no knowledge of it, or they look around for someone to blame, which can be anybody from the cleaner to the Grandchild, or you.

Coming from a legal environment I find it so difficult to live comfortably with a lie. And more so if that lie disrespect my space in life. Every person has the right to have some privacy, some things that belongs to just that person, be it thoughts or property, be it feelings or longings and even in an ordinary household one should respect that. The fact that I do not use my pen everyday does not render it a community pen, it still belongs to only me.

My father taught me that you do not open a letter unless it has your name on the envelope and the same goes for anything on my desk, whether it is a pen or a PC, a letter or a CD, if it is on my desk it is mine.

I need my space in life, and I expect family to respect that too.

Only if you respect the sanctity of privacy when dealing with other people do you have the right to claim that they do so to you.