It all started this morning when I checked for interesting blog stories - I found a blog of a desperate unhappy girl, and then my thoughts got hooked onto my little Mary.
Yes, I know she is almost 38 but in my eyes she will always be just my little Mary. I saw her last on the 17 of April 2007 when I said goodbye on my departure to Africa. You see she had to leave her country and made a new life in another because there is no future for her in her own. You ask me 'How come?' easy, in our country her skin is the wrong colour.
Now I am fortunate, I can still visit her sometimes, I show my grandchildren all the love and care I can so that I am more than a face in a photo, but I miss having my little Mary near when I go shopping, I miss having a glass of good red wine with her, I miss having her date me for a picture, I miss eating popcorn with her, I miss seeing her evolving into a very good carpenter and to hear the pride in her voice when she shows me her new kitchen cupboards, I miss hearing her side on politics, human behaviour and especially on how to bring up your kids! Oh, I know neither of us is always right, but it is so good to know that I like that little black-eyed, black-haired girl now that she is grown-up.
We did not have a good mother/daughter history when she was young, but as we both got older we succeeded in being more tolerant to each other, to understand what it means to love each other and to give each other more personal space without losing closeness.
She has her own kids now and is a good mother and in my opinion a good wife, but then she always says that I am biased because I like my son-in-law. That said I would just like her to phone me again in the middle of my day when she is having her morning coffee, or in the middle of my night when she is going to bed, just to say 'hallo' , then I would know that she is not making the same mistake that I made in thinking my mother would live forever, because I know that my time is limited.
I phoned her today, but only the ever present answering machine was there. So, this is for her, tell her I love her, Matilda is not a solace today.
Moeksie and Matilda's Mom
2 comments:
It does help.
I can use any advice.
Please and thank-you
I am so glad you are still OK, I had a few bad days and did not write you, but here I am now.
If you are a 'inside' person, like myself, which I think you are, then there is only one piece of good advise I can give you:
Use this secret blog of yours and write, write about your troubles, write about your heartache, write about the pain, the physical and psychological pain, write it all, get it out of your system. Pretend you are standing in front of your mirror, in private and spit it out, only when you get to the point where you can look at yourself in the mirror and see a person who refuse to let the pain turn her into a marthyr, only then are you ready to pack all the unhappiness in a little brown box, tie it up and put it on top of a very high cubard.
And you know what my little girl? I'll be with you all the time. Mostly I'll just be listening, but where I think comment/advise is needed I shall give it. I am the ear you need at this stage, I am there so that you know you are not alone. I am sure that in the different countries we live in our lifestyles are different, and my opinions are defnitely not always right, but it might give you a new perspective on how to react to a problem, so talk to me, lets fight your devils (and mine) together!
Hold onto my hand and together we will make it for today, just for today.
Matilda's Mom
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